Any sane person would expect every single one of my favourite ships, and unicorns and rainbows and Nifflers, and fluffy… *words fade out* So of course that is NOT what I will be doing. I’m 29, which means that I’m too old for all this ship-wohoo anyway. Instead you’re going to be reading about the most vomit-inducing ships I could possibly think of without it being complete nonsense – trust me, there’s a reason behind every one of these, erm, lovely
fake relationships – and because it’s day 5 I will serve you 5 repugnant ships on a silver platter. I recommend getting a bucket now for when you get sick while reading along. Got it? Okay, let’s begin.
Dobby ♡ Harry Potter
Let’s start out with Dobby and the man who started it all, Harry Potter. Even before Dobby met dear Harry he was mesmerized. He always tried to protect him no matter the cost. Let us give Dobby a lot more Harry Christmases, more paintings to make of him, and even more odd socks to knit. Dobby deserves to be
Harry happy. Oh and Harry? Dobby died to save you, you can easily make this sacrifice old chap.
Vincent Crabbe ♡ Gregory Goyle
You can’t be a friend of Draco Malfoy without having some sort of outlet when you feel like he’s being too much of a brat. Let’s be honest, he treats them both like… Well, like crap (no pun intended!) Think about it: those two are always together, they didn’t even have dates for the Yule Ball. That’s got to mean something, right? I’m not saying they necessarily comfort each other at night, I’m just saying that it’s not impossible.
Severus Snape ♡ Draco Malfoy
Those two were weirdly close, don’t you think? Was it just a simple case of favouritism or was Mafoy Snape’s favourite student for a reason? Were it in fact a lover’s spat we witnessed in Half-Blood Prince? Who knows (besides those two, of course).
Argus Filch ♡ Mrs Norris
This one is not super creative, I know, but just hear me out. Everybody who read the books and/or watched the films know how intertwined these two are. She’s at his beck and call 24/7, and he gets extremely upset when she’s petrified. Again, I’m not saying that anything weird or sexual is necessarily going on, I’m just saying that odd things can happen when you’re lonely and a pet cat is all the real company you have.
Dolores Umbridge ♡ Peter Pettigrew
Being two of the 5 most gross characters in the entire series I think they deserve each other, although I don’t think Umbridge holds back from raping small innocent boys if she feels like it. Don’t forget, she had no problem subjecting Harry to the Cruciatus Curse in Order of the Phoenix, and she was fine with Voldemort’s regime and the cruelty against Muggles and/or “lower beings” in the Wizarding World. I don’t imagine Pettigrew would stand a chance against her and he’d probably let her get whatever she wanted. It could only be more gross if Umbridge, Pettigrew, Voldemort, Bellatrix and Fenrir one day decided to have a ménage à cinq.
And on that lovely (*throws up in the corner*) note I bid you farewell for now, and I hope to see you for a much more pleasant experience tomorrow as I will dedicate an entire post to a beloved character. I leave you two clues: he’s a ginger and he knows how to lighten the mood. Cheers!
If you can think of more awful ships then feel free to share in the comment section down below.
If you had to guess right now, who would you say is going to be the guest of honour in tomorrow’s dedicated post?